When Christmas Isn’t Merry: Hidden Struggles During the Festive Season

For many, Christmas is painted as a season of joy - a time for family gatherings, celebration, and togetherness. But for a significant number of people, this time of year can bring profound emotional discomfort. Behind festive lights and cheerful music, many individuals carry quiet burdens of grief, loneliness, overwhelm, and emotional exhaustion.

As counsellors, friends, colleagues, and community members, it’s important to recognise that Christmas is not universally joyful. Let us all be sensitive this season.

1. Grief and Loss Are Amplified

For anyone who has lost a loved one, Christmas can be a painful reminder of their absence. Traditions feel different. Empty chairs are more obvious. The pressure to “be merry” can make grief feel even heavier.

Our senses are a powerful reminder; the smell of a Christmas candle; seeing the twinkle of the Christmas lights; tasting the mince pie which will never be quite as good as Grandma’s; touching the ice-cold snowman; hearing the first Christmas tune of the season. Once happy memories, still full of nostalgia, now bittersweet.

2. Separation From Loved Ones

Some individuals are separated from partners, children, or family due to relationship breakdowns, relocation, health issues, or work commitments. This can create a sense of emotional disconnection at a time when the world seems to be celebrating connection. Seeing families celebrate together can trigger deep feelings of sadness.

3. Overwhelming Loneliness 

You don’t have to be alone to be lonely. Some people live alone and can feel isolated and disconnected from all the festivities. While others may be in a room full of people, but feel unseen, unheard and unwanted. Christmas often intensifies these feelings, especially for those who don’t have strong support networks, who feel different, misunderstood or excluded.

4. Emotional and Financial Pressure

The expectations of gift-giving, entertaining, socialising, and “putting on a brave face” can be mentally and financially exhausting! For some, the season becomes overwhelming rather than uplifting.

5. Sensory and Social Overload

For neurodivergent individuals or anyone sensitive to noise and crowds, the hustle and bustle of Christmas events, busy shops, and constant stimulation, can feel intensely overwhelming.

 What Individuals Can Do to Prioritise Their Mental Health at Christmas

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

It’s okay to not feel festive. Give yourself permission to experience emotions without judgement.

2. Simplify Where You Can

Reduce pressure by scaling back:

· Social commitments

· Gift-giving

· Financial spending

· Traditions that feel draining rather than nourishing

3. Stay Connected - Even in Small Ways

Connection doesn’t always require big gatherings. It may help to:

· Call a friend

· Join a local community event

· Attend a support group

· Spend time in shared public spaces

4. Honour Loved Ones Who Are Absent

Lighting a candle, writing a letter, visiting a meaningful place, or creating a new tradition can provide comfort.

5. Create Your Own Version of Christmas

You are not obligated to celebrate the way others do. Choose what feels right for you — whether that means a quiet day, volunteering, spending time in nature, or taking a complete break from festivities.

6. Practice Mindfulness and Self-Care

Small grounding practices can make a big difference:

· Deep-breathing

· Gentle movement

· Journalling

· Listening music

· Taking regular rest breaks

7. Seek Support When Needed

Talking to a counsellor can provide relief, validation, and practical tools to manage emotional difficulties. You don’t have to navigate this season alone.

How Counselling Can Support During the Festive Period

1. Creating Space for Your Story

Clients can be invited to talk about what Christmas really feels like for them. It’s a Counsellor’s role to make no assumptions and offer no judgement. Some clients may feel guilty for struggling during a “happy” time; a counsellor can offer gentle validation and help you feel safe and understood.

2. Normalise Mixed Emotions

Counselling can help clients understand that it is okay to feel sad, lonely, overwhelmed, or conflicted during the festive season. Emotional ambivalence — feeling both grateful and sad — is normal.

3. Explore Boundaries and Expectations

Counsellors can work with clients to:

· Challenge unrealistic social or family expectations

· Set healthier boundaries around gatherings

· Reduce obligations where necessary

· Practice saying “no” without guilt.

4. Develop a Personalised Coping Plan

Collaboratively create a grounding holiday plan that might include:

· Identifying supportive people you can reach out to

· Choosing activities that soothe rather than stress

· Scheduling restorative downtime

· Planning ways to honour loved ones that are missed.

5. Encourage Self-Compassion

Clients often push themselves to conform to festive norms. Counselling can empower clients and encourage a stance of kindness toward themselves, acknowledging that doing their best is enough.